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Issue
No.5 Summer 2001
Lonely
Hearts
The Other
View occasionally accommodates the needs of those looking for romance.
Difficulties are often presented with such ventures, as may be seen from
the correspondence printed on this page. Understanding may flourish
in time...we hope.
Nathanial
Miskimmin
Red Hand Farm
Albion Road
Ballynevernever
C. Antrim
Northern Ireland
United Kingdom
BT 16 90 NO
Mrs. Maire O'Reilly
Shamrock Farm
Dunsnypin
Co. Monaghan
Free State
Dear Missus,
I got your answer to the advert in the Lonely Hearts column of the Other
View. I was for putting the advert in the Up Close and Personal in the
Tele but thon rates was fierce altogether. The letter being in the Queen's
English come as a bit of a surprise for I thought youse were only allowed
to correspond in the oul Gaelic down there.
Never worry about being a widow woman. Sure both
my wives were widows. Very little bother breaking them in. Just a pity
the last one drowned in clabber pulling a heifer out of a bog hole. Still,
we saved the heifer.
You wanting to stay at your home place is not
a bit of a bother. Ezekiel the son is coorting. The lassie is about five
months on now and the scan shows twin boys. The Da's farm and my own march
so that sees the pair of them settled. I will be handy enough fixed
to make a bit of a move. You ask if living in the Free State would bother
me. Divil the bit. Sure have I not met boys at ploughing matches from
all over the world, and some as far away as Dublin.
Right enough I would be a Protestant but I was
never that fussed about it since they sent round the plate at the Non
Subscribing Presbyterians, never mind the name. All I had on me was a
ten bob note. A dear lesson. Anyway a Protestant might get better treated
in The Free State than up here since thon oul Belfast Agreement. As long
as folk down south do not take too much notice of Cardinal Connell. From
what I hear tell he would like to start burning Protestant heretics again.
Still and all a man could put up with a lot for a hundred and fifty acres,
cheap diesel, no Foot and Mouth and of course, a snug sounding woman like
yourself.
It is good to hear your father is still living
and hearty. Would you remind him when he is working out a price fornenst
the match between you and me that I am used to dealing in sterling. I
have seen a misunderstanding over the dowry ruin more than one good match.
When you write again maybe you would send a wee snap till a man would
get some notion of whether the last wife's clothes would be somewhere
near you.
Your obedient servant,
Nathanial
Miskimmin
Shamrock Farm
Dunsnypin
Co. Monaghan
Republic of Ireland
Mr. Nathaniel Miskimmin
Red Hand Farm
Albion Road
Ballynevernerer
County Antrim
Dear Mr Miskimmin
Firstly please accept my most sincere apologies for the delay in replying
to your letter of last month. I must say that it was some hesitation that
I unsealed your much anticipated and eagerly awaited communication, quite
frankly on arrival, the missive radiated a disquieting aura. Being deeply
interpretative of emotional atmospheres and their hues and tones I realised
that I was about to discourse with an individual with deep, brooding and
indeed alternative life beliefs, more different than that which I had
ever previously encountered. Indeed perusal of the contents did little
to assuage the emotions swirling and heaving beneath my bosom.
If your relationship is to develop I must first
clear up a few misapprehensions on your part. Firstly when I referred
to my lately departed husband I didn't meant that he was dead merely that
he had departed from me. I only mentioned it because I was afraid you
might remember the publicity. Somehow the twin attractions of a Tax inspector
departing with a transvestite (he had completed the course of steroids
but the final operation hadn't taken place, truly bi-sexual) pole dancer
the same night he won 3. 7 million in the mid-week Lotto (I didn't know
he gambled) was just too much for the Tabloids. It was to this need to
retire from society to which I was referring when I emphasised my need
to remain in the heart of Mother Nature, in the tranquillity of County
Monaghan. My suggestion that you might like to visit at a future date
was empowered only by my reluctance to travel at the moment. Likewise
the question as to whether you would consider living south of the border
was merely prompted by passing interest as to how you can sleep at night
with all those tom-toms drums you people continuously beat.
Again sorry for any misunderstandings that arose
between us on our initial communications, I should console myself that
at least you are enthusiastic and eager for friendship. However Yahmose
say's that in order to achieve a higher stratum in next materialisation
then I must succeed in rescuing a tormented soul, seemingly last time
around I failed to reform Jack the Ripper.
You shall be my success story to place on the
altar before Isis and Osiris when they judge my achievements at the end
of this cycle of my transmutations. Please feel free to discuss whatever
troubles and worries you may have and together we may explore and exorcise
whatever demons addle and be-fuddle your inner and outer auras and attempt
to restore their harmony.
Yours truly
Ms Marie O' Reilly
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